Thursday, March 31, 2011

An Essay to Explain the Over Reoccurring Theme in My Life

I am in a very weird place right now and could not write an entry without deleting it. So instead I am going to share an essay I read once that really speaks to me. You probably will guess why.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.


Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Art of Wholeness

As one can expect this post is about love again. The feeling of being whole is something I touched on briefly a while back and wanted to explore it more. Like I said I feel the real reason we get into relationships is to feel whole. We as humans are so insecure with ourselves that when we are around someone who likes us we feel whole. We realize that someone can look past all our flaws and like us more than a friend. We feel like we can do no wrong, and as a return we feel whole. We are not aware of our wrongs, only our rights. We feel happy and like we have a purpose. The problem is when this feeling is taken away we feel worse than before. It becomes like a drug and when we do not have it anymore we go through withdrawal symptoms of depression, obsession, and paranoia. We try to seek it again and as a response desire the need to have the attention and acknowledgment of the opposite party. That is how people are pushed away. Not because we try to, just because we are blinded and primal instincts kick in. We for once in our life think about ourselves first. Like I have said before social norms do not like us putting ourselves first, so when we try to get attention, we only push people away due to society labeling it as "neediness" or "obsessed." So we try to hide our feelings so we will not do this.

Ladies I will tell you a secret right now. Men are not always strong. Men are scared, They do not always have the right answer. They are as vulnerable as the rest. Men do cry, and they do feel pain. We do not like rejection as much as females. We also spend nights thinking about that one person and what we did wrong. We also seek the feeling of wholeness. Most men are probably not as open as I am, but at the center of every guy is a small boy with insecurities. A small boy who needs another person to help remind him that he is not weak and is loved. They might try to hide and ignore them (which is not healthy) and as a result create an ego or become a "douche." Men who are open about their insecurities and emotions though are labeled as feminine and "gay." Just shows how messed up our society is that the more insecure guy wins in high school (another story for another day).

We all just seek wholeness. It is the true base of love and romance. It is a curse but a blessing we are born with. It is what makes us find that "other" person and pushes us toward people. It can also blind us and only hurt us more. But sometimes it hurts to heal.


Friday, March 25, 2011

What You Cannot Have: The Forbidden Fruit

"Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have."- Teddy Geiger

Once upon a time there was a woman named Eve. Eve one day saw a shinny apple. Eve wanted the apple but some guy, with a wicked beard, said she could not. Well to make a long story short, she decided to eat the apple (with some help from a "friendly" snake) and as a consequence fucked mankind for all time. Now I am not religious, but the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible is the best representation of the idea of "the forbidden fruit." I mean actually that is exactly where the term came from, but I cannot think of a better example.

I find myself recently struggling with this idea of the forbidden fruit. As humans we all want what we can not have. I think it is an ego thing. I think we all believe we can have what we want, so when something prevents it we want it more to protect our ego from "failing" and because it is more of a challenge. Whatever the thing is (an object, a person, etc.) becomes so much more special to us because it is not ours, and cannot be if we decide we want it to. It does not even have to be that we cannot get it, but just the thought that we are not positive if we can have it or not makes our minds chaotic and confused. It is very annoying, for you become obsessive over something that you usually would be pretty chill about if you knew for sure it could be yours. That thing then just becomes that much more tempting because it is not ours. We must succeed in getting it and as result obsess over it. Our ego needs the reassurance of nothing is wrong with ourselves. We do not want to view ourselves as flawed, though we are the first person to blame ourselves. Humans are just very insecure with themselves. We have a hard time just relaxing and letting things flow and work out. We always must be in control.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Sometimes you need to help others to help yourself. Maybe you learn something, or believe karma will pay you back someday. Or maybe it is just the smile you get on your face knowing you just helped someone for the better. There is goodness in the world, sometimes it just needs to be found.



I originally posted a new "Have You Ever" depicting myself feeling like a recent situation was my own fault. I decided to remove it due to being too depressing, too revealing, and not quite the style I want this blog to be. Awhile ago the "old" me might have posted that and as a response wanted attention because of it. I do not want this. In fact I removed it due to not wanting people to read it. Instead I thought I would venture more into the cause of my current state. This being paranoia.

Everyone can relate to paranoia. It is a common state of mind that people experience. This is one of the few states of being that I think has no good attached. It can help motivate a person to get something done, but that is about it. The rest of the time it is just a constant reminder that something is not quite right or not to your standard. Yes, this can cause you to change it, but with me at least, a lot of the situations are not ones I can change.

I am currently in a situation I am not quite comfortable with. I will not give details due to the amount of people who read this, but I feel like I do not have control. I feel like I have said some dumb stuff and as a result have jeopardized a possible situation. The truth is, I did nothing wrong. Yes, maybe I could have stated something differently or possible looked for different tactics to reach my goal, but what is done is done. In fact it is not even a big deal. There might be nothing wrong at all. The problem is my own paranoia is getting to me. I have a hard time not reaching my goals, even if it is not my fault. As humans though we can not accept that we are not at fault. We have spent so long being trained that it is our fault that the mere possibility that it is not seems out of place. It is easy to look at someone's situation and say "it is the other parties fault and I do not see why you cannot accept that." Though it might be true, take a moment to remember that when you are that person, it is hard for it not to be your fault. It is also due to a need to be in control of everything. If something is not our fault, in a weird sadomasochist way, we are not in control. We are egotistical creatures, and as a result all success and failures are based around us.

In fact no one might be at fault. Everything could be working out fine. The problem is when we as humans do not have reassurance about this, we internally start to over analyze. I seem to do this more than others, or at least I share it more than others. I start to think about what I could have done wrong and not what at I have done right. I am also letting past experiences label me. I seem to go against a lot of the points I make. I am not a hypocrite, just human. No one is perfect and we are all learning. I am especially. I think this blog is also a way for me to grow, and as a result hopefully help you grow also. Positive reinforcement is always more powerful than negative reinforcement, so I need to just sit back, and let things work out it self.

We cannot always have control and the mere thought of that is scary. It is like sailing into the sea without a steering wheel. People do not realize that you do not always need the wheel though. Just the sails to let the wind carry you.


Monday, March 21, 2011

Relationships Part 2

As a reader of this blog you should be aware, I am a hopeful romantic. According to urban dictionary I am......

"A person who loves the idea of love, but also lives in the real world. They see the world as full of possibilities to find their love. They know that they will find someone to love, or may have already found that someone. They see the world optimistically because they know from experience that things are pretty good. Hopeful romantics take their time, don't rush into things and, instead, play the field."

As a result expect me to post my opinions on relationships or just love in general a lot. I am not quite a hopeful romantic though. I have quite a few times not viewed the world optimistically and have rushed into things not thinking or have over thought a situation. I also get insanely paranoid. In fact 90% of my heart breaks have been because of these, I would not say, flaws, but just immaturity.

It is the first week of spring and with that love is in the air. Hormones are in the air and everyone just seems a little bit nicer. I love spring due to this. I also hate it though because it can remind you how lonely you can be. Within the last few weeks I have seen friends have disappointments at relationships. That is the one thing that can ultimately suck about relationships. As happy as they can make you, they can destroy you. That is not news though, and I am not trying to make it be. You though learn from these mistakes and eventually carry on. For a while I thought nothing good came out of a failed relationship, but now I see the good. Maybe it is due to me having it a little but easier than most lately but I see the positives. The saying "you learn from your mistakes" is as true as it gets. Might not be as sophisticated as a monologue from a movie, but it is as real as it gets.

Like I said I love the idea of love, but I also despise it. It seems like you have to go through a million and one games to get to it. I am not perfect, I play these games. Hate the game not the player though. That just defeats the purpose of it. I have learned from my mistakes though, and what I have learned is the ultimate failure was not being open or waiting too long. Sure maybe the girls were also not as mature sometimes or just life just got in the way, but my advice is this.

Spring is the time of rebirth (or zombie Jesus you choose), and with that try anew. Learn from your mistakes and use that to your advantage. Set a goal and try to achieve it. Mine is not letting paranoia stand in my way. Be open, enjoy life, and do what you want (as long as it is legal).


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Two Sided Coin

Life is a two sided coin. There is good and bad. You live with both. You are not alone, you are going to get past it, and people do understand you, or want to try to. What makes a person special is how they deal with it. To persevere is hard, but tears are needed to make the river, but after that it will only flood. Negative thinking will only push people away. Positive thinking though, will draw people closer. Let the emotions fly out, let them be heard. After that though, it is time to move on. You can not let events in the past label who you are. You are who you want to be, and will only be so if you believe it and live by it. Do not throw the coin and wait to see what it lands on. Decide for yourself if you are going to let it be bad or good.

Just some short day to day advice.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Good Will Huting Scene

There is a scene in the movie "Good Will Hunting" that I want to share. It is by far the best scene of the movie and one of the best monologues of all time.  It is given by a psychiatrist, played by Robin Williams, to his client Matt Damon, who is a genius but also a punk. Damon sees a painting of Williams and then decides he knows all about Williams. The response by Williams a few days later is one of the best scenes in movie history, and a monologue that I think also describes some of my philosophies.

"So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that.

If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy.

You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help.

I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you.

You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart.

You're an orphan right? You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say.

Your move, chief."

I am not saying I am like Williams in that I have felt those things, but in that I believe in what he says. You cannot just judge people based off of simple things or stereotypes. Book knowledge will take you so far in life. To obtain the extra miles you need to feel and live.

For anoyone interested in viewing the actual video (which I highly reccomend) here it is


Monday, March 14, 2011

"Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go"

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Fictional Identification Part 1

We have all had moments where we have seen a movie or read a book where we identify with a character or two. There are two in particular who I connect with a little too much.

John Dorian, J.D.- Scrubs
Scrubs is by far my favorite TV of all time. Though it is a comedy, it is also real. The characters in the show constantly are dealing with real life issues such as love, morality, stress, anger within the context of the shows humorous scenarios. Though the show became sillier as the years went by, the first 4 seasons are a landmark in comedic television if you ask me. To be able to be that funny and original but keep emotions true and believable is hard to do. The show deals around the character J.D. and his arrival as an intern at a hopsital to his departure 8 years later. I use to take offense at when my family would remark "you are so much like J.D." but I have come to terms with, yes I am a lot like J.D.

This is not bad though. J.D. is silly and goofy around his friends and kind of awkward around people he does not know. It is not due to him being socially awkward, just unsure and not quick to open up (maybe the only difference we have). His biggest fault though is that he self sabotages all his relationships, much like I do. I am always trying to find faults in people or events, when really I know I am happy, I just can't allow myself to enjoy life. I have become better at not doing this, but in the years I have sabotaged or not pursued relationships with females due to my own fears being put on them. We both also care too much about what others think about us, when really as long as you love yourself others opinions don't mater. We are both though caring, and put others first a lot of the time (for good or bad). We hate it when we make mistakes, and constantly try to fix things that might have been our faults. We dislike it when people don't approve of us. We are also always there for friends and try to do the right thing.

I could continue with more but then it would be too long of a read. I will save the other one, and most important one for a later date.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

"Words of the People"

One thing I use to do a lot was write songs (more like poems due to my lack of being able to play an instrument). Within the past year my momentum has died, but for a while about two years ago I was constantly writing. The following is the last song I have written. I wrote it for a girl who was going through a rough transition. I am going to try to keep my blog nice and varied from now on, and not just a wall of text.

Words of the People

Here are the words of the one who have departed
And the words of the ones who have affected you
Here is the wisdom of those who are wanted
And the wisdom of those who truly care for you
Here is the message of one who is broken
To a confused soul like you

 Tomorrow will bring
Whatever is wanted
Tomorrow will bring
Whatever you think is due
Tomorrow will bring
Whatever is forgotten
Tomorrow will bring
You one step closer to what is true

Here are the notes of those who have dropped out
And the notes of the ones who have learned the truth
Here are the lessons of those who are misguided
And the lessons of those who have a single clue
Here is the message from one who is fractured
To an incomplete soul like you


Here is the story of those who are humble
And the story of those who are askew
Here is the answer to the ones who are enlightened
And the question to those who are still confused
Here is the message from one who is complete
To a young soul like you

Chorus X 2

Here is the message from one who is complete
To a young soul like you

Friday, March 11, 2011

Silent Morning- Andre Arment

I am a huge fan of photography. I find it so beautiful and breath taking. So please don't be surprised to see me post photos on this blog that I find amazing. It just amazes me how much beauty, emotion, and stories it can convey in one picture. Oh I am getting so happy just writing this. The following is called Silent Morning by Andre Arment.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Have You Ever.....

Have you ever sat in the sun? Have you ever just laid there with no purpose?Have you ever just looked out into the horizon and just see blue? No clouds, no despair, just openness. Have you ever just let the breeze rush across your face, and with it take away the sadness of winter and replace it with happiness? Have you ever worn socks with flip flops just because you can? Have you ever just forgotten about everything and for the littlest moment remember you are beautiful? Have you ever looked into the grass and found new shades of green and yellow? Ones that cannot be seen without an open mind. Have you ever just looked around you and noticed the shadows of the world? The forgotten aftereffects. Have you ever heard your phone go off, but you don't care? Have you ever just sat there and remembered why you love, and that everything is beautiful?

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Guidelines aka Life's Giant Finger to the Nice Guy

At this rate I probably won't have anything else to talk about very soon, but eh. Like I have said before, I am constantly thinking so I always have something to say. I apologize for the annoyance of constant blog entries, but that's the thing about genius. If you don't capture it in the moment it looses its importance. One thing in the minimum years of being alive that I have caught onto is no one can truly express feelings. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. For instance, lets say I want to talk to girl #1. I have the opportunity to talk to this girl, but I cannot. Not because she disappears or I lose the ability to speak, no because I talked to her yesterday so if i talk to her again I have become needy. It is just some kind of game. This is one thing I really hate about how our society. There is no true thing as expression. If one truly expresses it is too much and that person is labeled or judged. So I for instance cannot talk to girl #1 because then I am breaking the rules. What rules? The rules that have been written by the unconscious mind of the species of mankind deciding on how much contact one can make with another under certain guidelines. In all honesty if we all just were more open, said what we wanted to say, and avoid these little games of cat and mouse week long conflicts and events could be solved within maters of minutes or days. That though would require a leap of faith, one that is unpredictable. So as much as I want to claim I am not part of this game, I cannot. In fact I will sit here and wait for girl #1 to say something. Why? I have reasons. We all do. But you know what? Break the rules. Patience is a virtue, a virtue in a world where we are constantly reminded life is too short.


The Joker and the Audience

I once took a Facebook quiz. The quiz was to tell you what your purpose in life was. I expected to get be a friend, a lover, or a thinker. Instead I got the entertainer or also known as the jester or joker. I must say this is very true of me. As awful as it sounds I could never bare to be only on tech crew for a school show. I need the recognition from the audience, and if anyone criticizes me for this they should truly look at themselves because we all need the limelight now and again. That is why many are actors, to fill the void of self doubt and lack of confidence (another topic I will touch later). It is not just the attention I seek as an actor or entertainer, but also the gift I can share with the audience. From just coming out of being in by far the best show I have ever been in I can say that. Even though my part was not big by any means, I felt so proud because I shared the gift with people and as a result made them ahppy. The reason I bring this up is because of this blog. I have only sent this blog to maybe 15 at most (and hidden a link to it on my Facebook page). So far people have told me they really like it. I have now found myself at a conflict. Do I post it in an area where many can gain access to it, or not. I enjoy the privacy of knowing that only people I personally have chosen are the only ones who are reading it, but then I would love to share this thing I have created with many. Opinions?


Edit: After thinking it over I have decided this was stupid. There are people I don't want to see this and shouldn't give them the power to find it. If people really want to know about me (hint) they will find it. But besides that and possible word of mouth, I shouldn't have to advertise. Unless I become insanely popular and make money off of it......

Repost of Wilson's Heart

If you may or may have not noticed my recent post about the movie idea, "Wilson's Heart" (yes it needs a new name), was removed. I had to do this after a friend reading the blog notified me I could easily get the idea stolen. For a lack of gracious poetic words, it sucks. It is unfortunate when you live in a society where a movie idea can be stolen off of a high schooler's philosophical blog. I checked it though and turns out ideas are copyrighted by American law once they are put down. So I can sue someone's ass if they make a movie based on my idea. That is nice to know. Anyway here is Wilson's Heart......again

Wilson is a mid 20 year old architect who's finance, Jill, and best friend and future best man, Henertz, having a falling out. Wilson tries to stay out of the fight but is forced to take action after both parties try to drag him in. Wilson helps end the feud, but the relationship between his fiance and friend is still not fixed due to both parties not accepting responsibility for their actions. Wilson then comes up with the "14 Points to a Better Heart," a list of 14 ways to fix their relationship. Through failed communication, disobedience, and betrayal, Wilson learns the true heart that needs mending, is his own.

Like i said it is a indie romantic comedy based on President Wilson's 14 points and the end of World War 1. I made it as a joke to a comment my history teacher said, I think though I could take it somewhere. Hopefully it wont be stolen by the time I can make it.

“Most people fail at whatever they attempt because of an undecided heart. Should I? Should I not? Go forward? Go back? Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape. A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right.” ~Andy Andrews

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Relationships is one of those topics I was going to touch upon eventually (I guess within the first day). Relationships are very important to me. Not just romantic ones but friendships. In a world filled with a lot of disappointment and unpredictability friends are needed. I hate it when people don't value friends or push them aside over small fights or issues. So if you reading this most likely you are a very special friend so thank you for everything and I love you very much. But what people usually think about when they hear relationship are romantic ones. A true romantic relationship should be a friendship, but one level above. Not anymore special than a friendship, just different. The reason I bring this up is because relationships have been a big part of my life lately. In high school it is hard to not have it become a big part of your life and let it control you. It is only instinct to want a significant other. Many say this is because of our sexual instincts, but I disagree. I think the reason we all want someone else is not for sex, but the connection. I think as humans in the society we live in, we are trained to think we are not good enough. As a result we are insecure with ourselves and don't believe or trust our actions, thinking, and self. I for one have been doing that lately with asking people what they think about a girl. Not cause I am honestly going listen to them, but because I need reassurance that I am not wrong. We want ourselves to be wrong, but that's a discussion for another day. We all want that connection though because it makes us feel whole. Someone to make us not feel wrong and have confidence in ourselves. I mean if someone likes us enough to be more than friends then I must have done something right. I might sound like a hopeful romantic (which I am) from a indie movie, but it is true. I can say that being with someone I know who cares for me is better than kissing. Now the physical stuff is nice and fun, but meaningless kissing sucks compared to purposeful holding hands. Its not even the feeling of the hands, but the feeling of you feeling whole. Part of something bigger and more purposeful. This only makes it harder when it falls, but that's where friends come in. They (if they are truly a friend) will never leave you, or let you fall. This might just sound like 15 different cliches rolled into one, but its true.



Like I said before this blog is going to be quite random. One thing I was thinking about is the city I live in. The city of Denver, Colorado. Last night a very good friend asked if I think she should move to Denver. She currently lives in Hawaii and needs to get out of isolation and find a significant other (she is in her mid 30s and is currently on the exact same path I am spiritually (though she has quite a few more years of experience and training on me) and in almost the same situation). I told her no, Denver is not the place for her. But I think Denver is not a place for anyone. I have lived in Colorado my whole life and must say I have enjoyed it. I have never though thought of Denver as a settling place. My family wants me to go to college in-state but I constantly refuse. I view Denver as a transformation place. It's great as an in between place between two parts of life, but not as a permanent place. I have also viewed Colorado as this as a whole. When someone says Colorado one automatically thinks about the mountains. Unless you have loads of money or are find with spending the rest of your life in one place in the same community not making progress and life just being a chill fest, you don't want to live there. Minus the mountains I personally think Colorado has nothing to offer. Denver isn't that amazing of town. Its nice, but nothing special. I think its a great place to grow up in, but I can't see myself or many spending their whole lives there. People need variety and I don't think Colorado offers it. Not a whole lot of culture in my opinion, but then again people might say the same thing about Seattle (a town I love) if they have lived there, there whole life. That is my opinnion on Coloardo though, a random one. But I think its true



One should know this blog is not meant to be a day to day account of my life. In fact I have no plans for that (though I will sooner than later probably bring up an issue or two). I am an open person and don't keep much to myself so in most cases people already know my secrets and what not. No what this is suppose to be is a place for imagining, self thought, and discovery. In fact people reading this will probably learn more about me than if it was a blog dedicated to me whining about why so and so doesn't like me. At the same time I should introduce myself a little to get acquainted. My name is Brandon (Leo or Joseph are accepted also). I am currently in high school at the biggest public school in Denver, Colorado. I am highly active in theater and hope some day to pursue theater, film, or counseling psychology. I am fascinated by how people think and work and the ways people hide from themselves to create their own illusions. I think people's emotions, actions, and thoughts are like a giant puzzle, one that must be solved for a person to discover themselves and start truly living. I am blessed in that through help of my own mentors I have done this at such a young age, and as a result like to help others achieve such a state. I am also a dreamer, in that I always come up with different ideas and views on the world. I am also cynical in people's actions, a topic I will most likely hit upon later. I am not perfect though, and I am far from it. But I accept myself, faults in all, and try to work through them. So welcome to my blog. I hope you find it interesting and a good read. Also I hope it will open your mind and maybe learn a thing or two about me, my ideas, my life, and philosophy.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.”