In the spring our school does two main stage shows. I am currently in one, hence why I have been very busy. Tonight I saw the other show, "Almost, Maine." "Almost, Maine" is a collection of scenes that deal around love is the town Almost, Maine. The show covers most elements of love from new love, to the loss of love and anything in between. It was a great show and I am very proud of everyone in it. The show though is ultimately happy, but it has its moments of sadness. For instance in one scene two characters discuss their failing marriage and in the end the wife leaves him alone at an ice rink, despite making the audience think they might work through it. I would not call these moments sad though. In fact they were honest. I really loved the show in that it never felt unnatural. Though it got silly and at some points predictable, it still stayed true to basic emotions. The show also makes you think as an audience.
One scene starts with a couple sitting on a bench with the female talking about how she loves that they are so close. The man replies that they are technically as far away as they can be as if they go the other way there is a whole world in between them. The females stands up and walks away leaving the man on the bench. Throughout the show we see scenes of him just waiting there for her, hoping she will come back. In the end of the show, the female walks in from the other side of the stage and sits on the opposite side of him showing she walked around the world to be close to him.
Though the ending was happy, in a way it made me sad. I started to think about how many of us truthfully have others that would do that for us. Now I know it is not realistic to walk around the whole world just to be close to someone, but at the same time how many of us have that kind of intimacy. I know I do not. It saddens me. I know talking about the same problem over and over again does nothing to help it, but I cannot help it. I live a very happy life, but I ultimately feel used by girls. I also am tired of being alone and wished for once I did not have to do all the work to find something and try to make it work. I know a lot of it is based off of past childhood trauma, but it does not help ease the issue.
I talk about how I am a romantic. I never have though really discussed its bad side. Because romantics see the beauty and potentiality in anything, we always get hurt more. We take any opportunity as a sign, and when it does not work out we feel destroyed. We open ourselves up only to be rejected. This is why I cannot have random hook ups or anything like that for I crave the intimacy. I cannot do something if I do not feel or have that connection. Yes, it is not considered "manly" by society's culture, but then again when have I ever thought society has been right.
Maybe I hope someday girls will read this blog and start appreciating the romantic in every guy. Finding a decent relationship in high school is hard, and even harder when you are considered too mature regarding emotional intelligence. It is a shame most of us have to hide it. It shows vulnerability, but it also shows beauty. Like I said, in the end she walks in from the opposite side of the stage. The opposite direction of where he had been looking. Maybe that is my problem. I am looking in the wrong area.