I am going to write about myself for once. Most of the time my posts have something to do with me, but never really directly talk about myself. For once, I feel as though I need to explain myself. The best way to explain my current situation is with the essay (link) I posted yesterday. This has been my life pretty much. Recently I have felt lonely. I have felt lost with no one to hold onto. I know I have my friends and would like to thank them for being there for me. Everyone knows though that friends cannot help with how you feel sometimes. Your thinking becomes irrational and you ignore the obvious. Yes, I know I am not alone, but I do feel alone. I find myself spending more time by myself lately. I find myself more vulnerable and weak. I have also found myself used and unappreciated. My whole life I have been the nice guy. I know someday it will pay off, but for now it only hurts. It is hard to find yourself helping people out, to only be thrown away and left alone. That is why I have mentioned relationships so much recently.
I am truly a romantic, but at the same time my loneliness has only made me want it more. When we are alone we desperately seek someone to help fill that void, or the wholeness I mentioned earlier. We want to feel wanted and loved again. I have had some girl issues within the past year and at this point it is not the girl's rejection that upsets me. It is the fact that I try to do everything right and put effort into something that only ends with a nice pat on the back as I watch them go off with someone else. I help them through situations that most would not, and am there to reassure them. So to be left without a proper thank-you at least makes me feel unappreciated and leaves me with a nice badge that says "friend zone." This is not new though, I have been feeling this for years now. Do not get me wrong though, I love the fact that I have female friends. At the same time it is a bummer when that is the only place you get to with females.
In all movies the nice guy wins in the end. Life is not two hours long though. It is years of a roller-coaster called "Trial and Error." I know my day will come, and I am not lying. I might not always be optimistic with the current situation, but I do believe in there being a light at the end of the tunnel. I might feel lonely and tired now, but one day I will find that "other" person. It will be a journey worth taking, even if it does not seem like it right now. The nice guy might not make it to the finish line first, but he will experience a lot more than anyone else.
"For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."
Update: Since writing this I have felt a lot better and actually feel normal. Haven't felt this way in a while. So thank you for the support and for reading this. I will elaborate later.