Sunday, May 29, 2011

Main Character

In life we are the main character. It is only simple and natural. We live life through our eyes so we became the central character because we are everywhere. Life is based around our goals and our desires and wishes. We hear our internal thoughts and things seem to work around us. We are the main character. What happens when you are not though?

Whenever a person sees one they usually think about how that person has affected and changed them. Whenever I see someone though I think about how have I affected them. I do not see myself as the main character of my own life. I see myself as the support for other tales. I see myself as the mentor and the wise man. The character that is there to help others realize their own potential and story. I am not saying it is always like this. In fact right now I do have my own story going on with its own little cast, but I seem to think I am involved in too many other stories to be my own main character. Its niche I think some of us fit. The niche being the mentor. We are here to help, but do not seem to see much advancement in our own tales. We only further the tales of others.

Some might say it is because we have reached the climax of our tales, but I do not think so. There is no way a high schooler has learned all that there is to learn. I think it is because our tales need a little more than the occasional plot point to move forward. We rely on the big revelations and moments. We also seem to be the most aware of what we want, so when we are not heading toward it, it does not seem like our story is going anywhere. We seem to be still until something big happens. Until then our own story seems to be about how we affect others, not how we are making progress.

-Brandon

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Afraid

This post is a response to a comment on a post I made a few days ago. Someone asked me a question. The question was simple and to the point. The question was "what are you afraid of?" The answer is quite a few things. We all have those little fears. Those fears that might appear stupid to others but are really scary to the person. Like for instance I am afraid of being robbed and snakes. They are small and dumb but I have them. Those fears do not run my life though.

I am afraid of bigger things on a more personal scale. I am afraid of pushing people away,  losing control, not being accepted, and ultimately being left alone. They are not creative fears, but they are fears I have the most. They all actually come from a simple thing that happened to me as a child. When I was little I had a friend. She was a girl and was truly my first love. We were best friends for years and hung out every day. Around the end of elementary school though she decided she needed more friends who were girls and simply just left me. I was devastated. My best friend, the girl I loved, just one day left. I was young though so I did not know what happened. As a result I thought it was my fault. I thought I did something wrong that pushed her away. I thought I was flawed. In reality I did not. I had no control over the situation. When my biological mother became sick with alcoholism, I thought it was once again me. This was merely a year or so after my best friend leaving so once again I thought I did something that pushed them away. Ever since I have had a fear of pushing people away and not having control. It is the reason I become paranoid while pursuing a girl. I think any action might push them away. I think everything is my fault whenever something goes wrong with a girl. I take all the blame and assume it was because I was too needy or too aggressive. I fight to have control to prevent this. I wish to be accepted so I feel like I am not flawed. I want love so I know someone is there for me who accepts me for who I am. Someone I can truly depend on at all time.

Now, I am not as bad as I use to be. I have learned to accept not everything is my fault or in my control, but it is hard. When you go through childhood trauma you want control so you can prevent heartbreak again. It is funny to think a lot of this was caused by one girl.....

-Brandon

Friday, May 20, 2011

Change/Leaving

Today a girl I know told me about how she is afraid because all the seniors are done with high school and soon they will be off in college. The mater of fact is she is afraid of change. She is afraid of it because it can hurt you because people you love can leave. Here is the thing about changes. We as humans hate not having control, so when we finally grasped something to only see the situation change again it scares us. What we were comfortable with has disappeared and we must work again to regain that security. The thing about change is that after a while the change feels normal and becomes what we would consider as the basis of our comfortableness. Change is only natural. Without it nothing would get done, nothing would grow, and the world would be still.

The second part of the problem was that the people she loved were leaving. Up until last year I had not seen my biological mother for six years. To this day I only see my brother once or twice a month if I am lucky. Though they have left in a sense, they never did. If you truly love someone they never leave. You carry them in your heart and remember their love. You also remember they will come back eventually in some form or other. Though it might hurt, if you truly love them you let them go and hold them in your heart. If you remember them they are never gone. It sounds cheesy, but it is true.

There is a line in "The Fantasticks" that goes " without a hurt the heart is hollow." We all need to hurt eventually to grow. It is what makes us human. A person needs to accept the change for they cannot prevent it. A person can fight the current but it will eventually tire them out and carry them along. If a person just goes with the current from the beginning they will be able to admire all the beauty around them for they will not be tired.

"Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow."

-Brandon

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Soon It's Gonna Rain- A Lesson in the Power of Unity

Tonight the show I was in ended. After a two night run, selling out the first night and over selling the second night, our show, "The Fantasticks," ended. Though it was a small student directed musical the show taught me a lesson. The lesson being never lose hope. About a month ago all of us had given up on the show. It was not getting anywhere and we felt doomed. In fact up until a week ago we still did. We decided the show was doomed so we went out and just had fun. As a result magic happened. Everything that was wrong was fixed, the audiences grew, and overall we got remarks saying the show was one of the best student directed shows ever. In the show there is a song called "Soon It's Gonna Rain." We all know I have an obsession with rain, so of course I loved this song. Tonight after our final show was over, I walked outside with my suit jacket hanging over my shoulder into a downpour of rain. I just smiled and let the feeling of bliss take over. This show taught me never to lose hope. As long as you believe, things will happen the way they should, despite all odds. In the end there is a happy ending.

"Hear how the wind begins to whisper.
See how the leaves go streaming by.
Smell how the velvet rain is falling,
Out where the fields are warm and dry.
Now is the time to run inside and stay.
Now is the time to find a hideaway
Where we can stay.

Soon it's gonna rain.
I can see it.
Soon it's gonna rain.
I can tell.
Soon it's gonna rain.
What are we gonna do?

Soon it's gonna rain.
I can feel it.
Soon it's gonna rain.
I can tell.
Soon it's gonna rain.
What'll we do with you?

We'll find four limbs of a tree.
We'll build four walls and a floor.
We'll bind it over with leaves,
And run inside to stay.

Then we'll let it rain.
We'll not fell it.
Then we'll let it rain,
Rain pell-mell.

And we'll not complain
If it never stops at all.
We'll live and love
Within our own four walls.

We'll find four limbs of a tree.
We'll build four walls and a floor.
We'll bind it over with leaves,
And run inside to stay.

Soon it's gonna rain.
Come run inside to stay!
Soon it's gonna rain.
For soon it's gonna rain.
I can see it.
I can feel it.
Run inside and...

Then we'll let it rain.
We'll not feel it.
Then we'll let it rain.
Ran pell-mell.

And we'll not complain
- Happy ending...
If it never stops at all.
Then we'll let it rain.
Why complain?

We'll live and love within our walls.
Happily we'll live and love,
No cares at all.
Happily we'll live and love
Within our castle walls."


-Brandon

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Logo

As you may or may have not noticed my blog now officially has a logo. I would like to say I made it, but my graphic design skills are no where that good. The logo was made by a friend named Bart. If you are reading this Bart I am very grateful to you. The idea of the logo was to represent each of the seasons and how they flow into each other and are in return truly one. This can be seen by the bleeding effect into each other. I then had the the letters "W", "I", "T", and "B" to represent the title of the blog. These letters and the seasons are held together with a giant "I" showing overall life is about the loving the individual and accepting oneself and in return truly being at peace. My blog is about the journey of oneself through life and the experiences one learns and the logo represents this perfectly. I hope you enjoy the logo as much as I do.

-Brandon

Friday, May 13, 2011

Writer/Emotional Block

As many of you may or may have not noticed, I am not updating this blog as often as I usually do. I could blame it on being tired or not having enough time, but no, that is not why. One reason I love this blog is it gives me an area to think and express what I am feeling. As a result though, I find it hard to write entries without some kind of meaning or personal emotion behind it. Recently not anything major has really been happening, and as a result I have not been able to find things to talk about. Yes, I have found things, but nothing I can put meaning behind. Without meaning words are just words, with meaning though it turns into literature and art. A reader can notice when there is meaning or not. It just feels different. As a result I do not try to post unless I "feel it." It is one of the reasons I have lots of drafts of posts I never shared. Maybe I will talk about some of the "lost posts" some day. So please hang with me. Next week I should have something pretty cool and new for my blog that I am very excited for. Watch me after this post have a million ideas of what to talk about. It always happens that way. Writer's block.

-Brandon

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Formspring Responses #2

Once again not many questions, in fact only one, but here we go.

Q: I've really wanted to see what your like. I've read your blog, and I really think we would get along great. We both have the same insight, and thoughts. I really find you quite interesting

A: Thank you for the kind words. If you think like I do I bet we would get along great. I hope you keep on reading my blog and in return will find out more about me.

Please asks any questions you might have at the blog's Formspring. Please do not be shy.

-Brandon

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Lost in Translation

We are all lost in a way. We are all just waiting to be found by others or by ourselves. We all sometimes feel like we are not where we belong or like we have control on where we end up. The day will come when the compass will show the way. That day does not always come fast though. The best thing to do is to look into yourself and follow your natural direction. As long as you follow what you believe is true, you will be found. It might not be where you intended to go, but it will be where you intended to be.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to be."
"You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you."
- Lost in Translation

-Brandon 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Next...(a poem)

The world keeps on turning,
The answers do not call
Everything will be blurry
Up until next fall.

The path will not be easy,
The truth will not reveal,
You will see a little clearer
When next winter seems to appear.

The days will become longer,
The snow will melt away,
The signs will begin to show the tale
When next spring tells the way.

The flowers will start to bloom,
The rain will come on down,
The world will seem to fall apart
Up until next summer's sound.

The clouds will move apart,
The sun will make it clear,
The answers you have looked for
Have always been right there.

Just a little poem I wrote in a few minutes.

-Brandon

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Farewell

It is hard to not be a little melancholy after a show ends. Tonight was the last night of our schools performance of the play I was in. We went out with a bang, and I am so proud of it. Though I am so happy for all we accomplished in the show, it is also sad to see it go. It is hard to say goodbye. I think the reason is because it is disappointing in a way that after weeks of hard work our creation only lasted for two hours for three nights. Once it is over, only the memories and programs are the evidence it ever happened. The one thing I hate most about shows ending is that friends go separate ways. Friends are formed during shows for you are forced to spend weeks with the same people. After the show is over though, real life kicks in and that mutual place you use to spend with those people are gone. Everyone ends up going back to the real world. A world where you do not always see the people from the cast. That mutual area no longer exists. All you have are the memories.

It is hard for humans to let go. But there is a difference. To let go does not mean forget. As long as we remember the good, appreciate the experiences we had and the lessons we learned, nothing more can be asked. Yes it would be amazing to do 500 more shows, but after a while the magic would be lost. That is the beauty of high school theater. You only get a few shows to capture the magic and bring the story to life. The beauty is that the magic never gets lost though.

One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Seuss. The quote goes “don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” So this is my farewell to the show. Though I will be sad and will miss it, I also will not forget how lucky I was to be part of such an amazing show. Though I will be in more shows in the future, you have to capture the beauty of every moment and hold onto it, for in the end it is all we have.

-Brandon