Sunday, June 19, 2011

Tears of Ashes/Departure

I will be gone for the next week at a conference so I will most likely not be able to update. I however do not want to leave without giving you guys a little something. The following are some lyrics to a song I wrote about two years ago. They are not perfect and need revision but I think is something cool to leave you guys with for a few days until I get back. Enjoy!

Tears of Ashes
Dark circles under her eyes
From the ashes that she cries
Paleness over her face
No time to sleep, no time to wait
Considered changing the way she is
But she likes being a martyr for her sins

She says the dark is her favorite part of the day
Things get worse before they get better
She does not wanna wait for that day
So she will live on with the pain
Only if she would accept the love I try to give her
Instead she runs away and stays in her shelter
And lets the tears run down her face
The tears of ashes that leave a trace

Ripped jeans with burns on the knees
She finds no need to get them clean
Reminds her of her broken dreams
Burned into flames as she weeps
The fuel for her tears that disappear
As her true fate draws near


I try my best to help her through
But its hard with all the smoke rising from her wounds
The glass on the floor just makes many reflections
And makes it hard to find the right direction
She will get out of this trap
Once she stops designing them herself



Monday, June 13, 2011

Losing My Mind/Summer/New Page

"I'm losing my mind" were the words a friend recently spoke to me. Basic and to the point. It seems like everyone recently is. Couples that were together for a long time are breaking up, people cannot get over their pasts, people are lost within themselves, and overall everyone is in a funk. I am not different from the rest. I am finding myself in a weird place recently. A place between disappointment and acceptance. I said spring was the season for love, well now it is summer and with it comes change. Summer seems to put more pressure on people and as a result push people to their limits. I was telling someone that I just discovered that life is not about knowing everything but rather it is about knowing how to get through it. Now that there are no distractions from school everything comes into the light more. Things that were buried  within people now seem to surface. As a result people find themselves lost and confused or like my friend said "losing their minds."

I also see this period as a time of new beginnings. As the story goes the phoenix is born from the ashes. All this old stuff needs to come up so we can destroy it and start fresh, or as the cliche goes "turn a new page." It is unfortunate that a lot of people right now feel lost and out of place but it is only so we can face our old buried issues. A person needs to acknowledge them, learn from them, and leave them and move on. You cannot keep on putting things in a closet if it is already full. I view summers as the time for a person's own spring cleaning. Though it is not spring it is time to get rid of old baggage and move on. It requires time and patience, something many of us do not we believe we have. We do though, people just need to focus on what is coming up and deal with it.


Friday, June 10, 2011

A friend found this picture recently. I do not know why but it meant a lot to me. Maybe because it is "Calvin and Hobbes"my favorite comic strip or the fact they are looking into the stars, the unknown. Even though I know this quote by heart it still made me happy and sad (in a good way) when I saw it.


P.S. Before I receive angry letters I realize my blog's name and quote in the picture are different. I do not know why but the quote varies depending on the source. Some say "intended to be" while others say "needed to be."

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fictional Identification Part 2

A long time ago I wrote about how I identified myself with the character John Dorian (J.D.) from the show "Scrubs." In the post I talked about how I identified with one other character also. Today I finally conclude on my promise of eventually writing about it.

Tom- "500 Days of Summer"
To start off, the movie "500 Days of Summer" is one of my favorites. I consider it a guy's chick flick. Girls watch chick flicks and connect with the sadness and unfairness the lead girl is usually facing. Guys watch "500 Days of Summer" and connect with the sadness and unfairness the lead guy is facing. The movie is about a character named Tom and his relationship with a co-worker named Summer over 500 days (roughly a year and a half). The movie shows the beginning of the relationship, the relationship at its high points, its decline, the break up, and then the aftermath. This might not seem any different than most romantic movies but the kick is that you feel bad for the guy and not the girl.

This is why I relate with Tom. Both of us are people who try to see the love in most things. In the movie Tom immediately believes he is in love with Summer once they start dating. I too also try to find the love in most things. Though I might not think this is the woman of my dreams like Tom does, I try to see the most optimistic outcome once I am with a girl. We both believe people will react the same to us because it is second nature to us to be nice and see the beauty in things. This ends up only making us more vulnerable and getting hurt worse when things do not go well in the end. He and I also hold back from pursuing a girl due to our fears. Tom only really starts to talk to Summer after she has worked at the office for a few weeks. I really do not start pursuing a girl until I am sure she has some interest in me. Though I relate to Tom, it is the situation I relate to the most.

In the movie Summer starts drifting away from Tom and eventually breaks up with him. She does not seem to show much remorse and wants to be just be friends and eventually just moves on. He feels used and betrayed. I feel like most of my situations with girls have been like this. I feel like girls lead me on and I start to feel connected to them. I open up to them and think in return they will. I think things will end well. They usually end up turning me down and pull the friend card (note to ladies: this is the last thing you ever want to tell a guy). It results with me feeling used and hurt much like Tom. I feel like I was just another object to them. Though it is my fault for giving girls so much of myself for them to hurt it is only because I expect them to act the same. If a girl is showing interest I believe she usually wants the same thing I want, a mature relationship of some sort. Both Tom and I believe people are as open to love as we are. In the end though we heal from the hurt and learn. We do not stop being optimistic once we heal and hold onto our beliefs.

That wraps up my planned fictional identification piece. Later on if I really feel like I connect to another fictional character I will post it. If you wish to read part 1 you can read it here.


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Self Quotes

"No, I am not stupid. Here is the thing you are an amazing girl. You bring light to my darkest days and make me happy and feel like I am whole. But I am not dumb; life is not like the movies. Sometimes things work out but a lot of the times it doesn't. Life is unpredictable. Hell you might not even like me. I can be optimistic though and hope you want what I want also. But I am also realistic. Life doesn’t end with rain scenes where despite all hardships something carries on. It would be nice but life can be a bitch and I know you of all people can understand that."

1: "We all feel hurt or hurt someone else eventually. We just learn how to manage it or do it less."
2: "I don't."
1:"You are 16, do you really think you should have learned everything by now?"

All quotes by myself based off of life.