Monday, September 10, 2012

Hello/Anew

Hello there, it has been a while. I apologize for that. Time flies by. Usually I would get back into the whole "sorry I haven't posted for a while" rant, but I am not this time. I think we all needed some time to enjoy the summer and transition into new areas of our life. I guess I viewed this blog as an old representation of my life and as I was entering my new phase of life, I viewed it as something to leave behind. Not in a bad way, in a "put it in the attic for memories" way. However, I realized this blog is not part of my old life, it is a part of my continuing and growing life. There are so many new experiences to have and lessons to learn. There is so much more to celebrate so why not bring this with me? I needed time to enjoy life with a simpler perspective but it is time to get involved, creative, and expressive again. With that said, I am back. I will not make promises about posting often (because I seem to break those promises a lot) but I am here to say I will try my best to share the lessons I have learned and express what I want to share. It feels great to be back and I will try my best to keep it that way. There is so much to celebrate and be grateful for. It is time to start anew.

-Brandon

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Circle Mirror Transformation

When I entered high school I had one dream, to be a lead in a show. I wanted to be the star character that everyone loved and was the central aspect of the show. I wanted to entertain and be recognized. I wanted what any actor has ever wanted. I thought that would be my happiest moment.

I recently just got done with the second show I directed this year. The show is entitled Circle Mirror Transformation, a show where there really is no way to describe the plot. It is a show about five people in an acting class over a six week period. The reason I love the show is that it is not a comedy or drama, but instead it is real. The show is about the relationships me make and lose, our own self discovery, and those awkward moments in between.  It is a relatable show that invokes multiple emotions and is not plot driven, but character driven. The show is not a piece of theater, but a piece of life.

This show meant more than the world to me. Though I directed another show earlier this year, which I love and will always cherish, this show has a deeper meaning. Unlike Alice in Wonderland where I directed with someone else, this show was under only my control. I got to chose the show I wanted to direct and had free creative control. It also meant that I had no safety net and was truly on my own as a director. It was a great experience for me to spread my wings and try something new, it was a chance to grow and transform, something that is echoed in the play.

One of the reasons this show was so special to me was my cast. I could have not been more blessed as a director. Though there was a last minute addition, my cast was unbelievable. They were always fully committed and never gave up. The show is not easy material. It is a mature show that does not work if it is not realistic. Realism is a hard thing for most actors and my cast could have not done a better job. They took it head on and created something magical. The show became a piece of life because of them. No amount of directing can cause this. I could push them in the right direction but realism is something that cannot be forced, it must be felt and every single one of my actors did this.

As a director though the best moment was being able to see them all grow. The rehearsal experience echoes a lot of ideas that are found within the play, this being self discovery and growth. It was an honor to watch every single one of my actors transform into something new. They all changed and grew over the course of the show, and though it might not seem like it to them, to me it was noticeable. It was something beautiful and an experience I will never forget.

Though Alice was an amazing show and will always be one of my favorite experiences,  Circle Mirror Transformation was something special. It was realistic and something everyone could relate to in some way or another. Though I am in another show at my high school, this show is truly my swan song. In a way, I wish I had ended with this. It was my last big contribution and was the thing I poured all my heart into. I will never be more grateful for my cast. This post will never be enough. I will never be able to give them enough praise or thanks. Praise and thanks for putting on a beautiful show but for also giving me something to hang onto. As the uncertain future gets closer and closer it is comforting to know somewhere in my mind I will be able to think about the show and feel okay. The future is not so scary when you have comfort and support, and as awful as life can be I will always remember how much happiness this show brought me. How much love it gave me, and how it refueled my passion for creation.

One of the exercises we did to help get into character was I asked my actors what their character's happiest moment was in their life. One of my actors then asked me later if I could think of mine. Life has many happy moments, in fact we rarely notice them because they are the norm. I, however, do have a concrete answer. Despite being leads before and having the center stage, it is not them. They were good moments, but not the best. My happiest moment was watching my actors take their final bows and receiving applause and all the attention. It was watching them take in all the love that was being sent their way and the smiles that took over their faces.  It was seeing them being payed back for all their hard work. It was seeing them happy and proud of what they have done. It was knowing we had all created something beautiful that had affected people positively. We had created something that was not just a good show, but a special show. It was the moment in which I could have not been prouder. It was being back stage not center stage.

I love my cast and will am so proud. I hope you remember this journey and never forget it. You all created something beyond belief and I am so proud and I hope you all know this. No words will ever be enough.

"Do you ever wonder how many times your life is going to end? Like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real."
My life has restarted. 
-Brandon

Thursday, March 8, 2012

First Birthday

Hey guys, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. As you may or may have not noticed 1 year ago I made the first post on "Where I Intended To Be." It is crazy to look back and see how the blog has evolved and grown. With now over 4000 views and a steady fan base it is incredible to see how something so small grew into something notable. Now it obviously is not the biggest thing on the internet, but it is nice to know I have a consistent group that follows it and reads it. Without you guys I would not have the fuel to run my passion. So I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. I originally was planning on doing something big to celebrate the birthday such as started a Twitter or something, but I decided it was not necessary. What we have now is working so why change it. So thank you for staying on board during the worse and best of times. I hope you all still enjoy it and look forward to the future of the blog.

Happy Birthday!

-Brandon

Friday, March 2, 2012

Dearly Beloved- a poem


Somewhere beyond this sea
Lies something else.
A land full of beauty and opportunity.
A sky where the stars interconnect
And
The galaxies never end.
Dreams are born
And
Achieved
And
Passion ignites.
Where hearts are open
And
Radiate light beyond the horizon.
I long for it,
But
My boat is not yet built.
I, however, will join you there
One day.
Hand in Hand.
Dearly Beloved.

-Brandon

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Losing Control

A lot of the posts I made on this blog link together in their themes and subject maters. One I have brought up is control and our need for it, because the loss of it is a big fear many of us face. However, when I wrote about it I wrote about it from a person's perspective without really feeling it myself. This time it is different.

Recently I have felt like I have lost control. Many of us have all been in situations where we think everything is out of control and we cannot do anything to stop it. In the moment, it seems to be this way, but in reality we still contain control to some degree. However the worse is not when we lose control over big things, but control over the small things we take for granted. We all have at sometime or another felt like we are losing ourselves. It might be that one's emotions are constantly changing and drastic or that we do not understand ourselves anymore. It puts us in a place where we no longer feel like we know who we are.

Certain events can cause this. I for instance have started having sleep issues, and losing control over something so basic is scary. You feel like a freak and broken. How could one all of a sudden lose control over something so simple and natural? The fears start building inside you and the anxiety ensues. The perception of oneself becomes disoriented and viewed threw pessimistic and critical eyes. You are not perfect and therefore are weak and inferior. It becomes a spiraling pit of fear with no idea how or when you will get out.

My example was just a personal one, but many things can cause this. The feeling of losing control  is scary beyond belief and makes you feel doomed. The thing to remember though is that it will be okay. Everything will solve itself as long as you stay calm and deal with it rationally. Somethings cannot be fixed right away, it requires time, patience, and care. You are not broken or incorrect, you are normal and we all go through this phase at sometime. The thing to remember is to know the fears are normal and they will go away, despite how hard that is to believe. You have to try your hardest not to let the fears control you. The longer they control you the longer it will take to get out. We all regain control eventually, it is just how we get there that is different. It is something I personally am having a hard time grasping, but one must try to calm the fears down and know everything will be okay because everything is okay in the end. It might seem like a long journey to get there, but it is true.

-Brandon

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

Oh Valentine's Day, the most Hallmarked holiday around. A day to celebrate something we should be celebrating everyday, love.  A day that makes some feel happy and some feel bad. Just a brilliant holiday.

All sass aside though, I actually enjoy Valentine's Day. It is a fun day to celebrate, and despite love being something we should celebrate everyday it is nice to have a reminder. People often say that without someone "special"it is a sad holiday and just a reminder of how a person's life is sub par in the romance field. I disagree with this though. From personal experience of never having someone "significant" on Valentine's Day, I am never sad. I find that most people aren't really sad on this day, and if they act "sad" it might just be a tool to get attention on the day for they are not getting it from that "special someone." However, we all have a special someone to celebrate on Valentine's Day. That person is oneself.

Valentine's Day has become all about showing love for others and telling people how much they mean to you. I agree that this is important but I think it should also be a day to celebrate and love oneself. Like I have said before, it is impossible to love anyone else if you do not love yourself. The truth is that the most important person if your life is yourself. It might sound egotistical but it is the truth. Without you, there is no life or others to celebrate. That is why I like to remind people that among the expression of love for others, remember to show some love for yourself. Remind yourself you are awesome and are loved. Humans forget to do this a lot, including myself, so remember it on a day filled with love.

Valentine's Day might be a pointless holiday in the sense of it holding deep and influential meaning, but it is fun and festive and sometimes that is all one needs. I dare you though that among the chocolate, flowers, and love for others to leave some for yourself. Make sure to love the one person that people often forget to love, yourself. It is so simple and something we should do everyday so make sure to do it on the one day that is marketed to be the day of "love."

Also eat some choclate, that never hurts.

Happy Valentine's Day.

-Brandon

Monday, January 30, 2012

Glisten (a poem)

The following does not express my current mood or attitude. Just something I wrote in a moment of sadness, but in fact I am pretty happy right now. I repeat I am happy, the happiest I have been in a while, we all just have moments of vulnerability.

What has the world become?
A place of villainy?
A place of hate, despair, and rage
A lack of chivalry.

What has the mind become?
A place of fogginess?
A place of light, then lost of sight
A ground of endlessness.

What has the day become?
A place of  repression?
A place of beauty but yet ends shortly
A land of confusion.

What has the night become?
A place of decisions?
A place of chance, pure luck, and trance
A realm of situations.

What has life become?
A place of misconceptions?
What once was right seems to be left behind
An existence that needs to glisten.

-Brandon  

Monday, January 16, 2012

Passion/Disappointment

A few years ago my parents one day sat me down and asked me what my passion was. Being a middle schooler at the time the question not only came out of nowhere but I had no idea what to say. I came up with some response to avoid the question (despite my parents then giving me evidence why that truly was not my passion) and I just quietly exited the room. It has been years since that day but that question has stuck with me. The question being what is my passion?

As college looms on the horizon and my 18th birthday is just a day away it is hard not to think that life is going to completely change. It is something I have shared plenty of times on the blog but the closer I get the more prominent it becomes. As a result I have started looking once again at the question of what my passion is. A passion gives you a road to follow in life and with many paths about to open it would be nice to have an idea on which one I should follow. 

To completely changed subjects (do not worry there is method to my madness), a few weeks ago my school had auditions for its musical. The musical we are doing is one that I love and has a character I thought I would be perfect for. After spending hours of researching the character, working on my audition pieces, and giving a great audition I got called back for the character I wanted. After giving the best callback I have ever given in my life, I found out I did not get the part, or a named part, even though I thought I did everything correctly. It crushed me and resulted in a week of sadness, anger, and questions. Why did my audition only get me called back for one part? I had put so much time and effort into my audition and truly thought I knew the character so what went wrong? Why did I not earn a bigger role my senior year after years of working my hardest for this theater?  I still do not have answers to these questions and might never have them. I however did get the answer to one question though. Why am I so upset over one part?

This is when I had a revelation. Below all the tears and anger I discovered something. I was not upset because I did not get the part, I was disappointed that after putting so much time and love into something I did not get it. In fact I discovered I had something for the part. Something that drove me to spend hours trying to get it and hours mourning over it. I had passion for creation and entertainment

Passion is not something we can find over night. It might be something that some of us never realize we truly have for something. It is not something you just know you have. You have to discover it through life. It is what drives us to excellence but also can cause massive disappointment. It causes highs but can result in the lowest of lows. However, despite being able to emotionally cripple a person for a time it is what pulls that person out and gets them to attempt again. Life is full of disappointments and a lot of the time you have no control on its outcome. You can give it your all and do nothing wrong but sometimes life just has other plans for you. Sometimes it is not that you did nothing wrong, it was just that someone else did something right. In these times you have no control over that outcome. However if you have passion for something you will get back up and jump back into the ring and try again. One day you are bound to finally get that K.O. Besides it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

On that day a few years ago I did share an answer with my parents. At the time they told me it was not true for I did not seem to put any effort into it. As I sat on that couch with them hovering over me I threw out a word just so I could get out of the situation. The word I told them was "theater."

-Brandon

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Contradiction (poem)

Time goes by fast
But yet seems so slow.
The moments race
But still they froze.
It comes in waves
Upon this beach.
Though I walk away
The water hits my feet.

-Brandon